7 Categories of Cursed Objects You Can Buy From West Elm

What is a cursed object? In this case, these are objects meant to be art, but dutifully failing while following around a generation of people to remind them of their economic and aesthetic mistakes. Capitalism demands more objects with no utility be mass produced, therefore defeating the purpose of art, so have a bunch of stuff that looks as dystopian as this entire sentence!

While I am not strictly a utilitarian, there are certain decorative trends that rely on the fossil fuel industry and destruction of natural resources in ways that should haunt people when our planet has regions that are on their way to being uninhabitable to human populations.

Don’t worry, this post contains no affiliate links and is not sponsored in anyway by anyone. I’m embarrassing myself all on my own here.

1. Round Objects For Occult Purposes

In global sometimes ancient religions and superstitions on every continent there is the act of gazing through a hole, arch or other round thing. Why not bring these objects into your home to make it a nonspecific religious sacred space without the actual history and significance of any one religion?

If wood isn’t your style, you could get a marble disc instead! Made in Indonesia, these are reminiscent of Chinese Bi Discs and may subconsciously support that paleo diet you keep going for. Plus, it matches your all greige interior decorating. These will cost you $66-170 USD and aren’t even made of jade!

If you’d prefer something made of metal and wood, then the River Rock and Metal Sculptural Objects may be more of your cup of tea, especially if you like tossing objects through hoops! Made in Honduras, these rocks had metal shapes bent and then placed inside of them after a hole for the rod or loop had been created. There’s likely an adhesive helping as well, but I wouldn’t know since I haven’t seen one of these in person. These will set you back $30-70 USD depending on your choice of sculpture.

Objects with holes in the centers also come in ceramic varieties that could match your decorating taste while setting you back $40-90 USD.

Why buy something made by an artisan here in the US from a website like Etsy when you can buy this from West Elm?

2. Blood Stones

The gem stone trade is fraught with problems and under even the best conditions the earth is being damaged, sometimes in the significant places of other people. Because of this, almost all gem stones could be called blood stones due to the cost to people and planet. But don’t you want pretty shiny sparkly objects?! Yes. Don’t we all?

Petrified Wood Object On Stand

Sourced from Indonesia, this petrified wood tells a story of long forgotten ecosystems that collapsed during times of climate change, with the remaining wood fossilizing. This fossilized wood is then collected and cut by hand with no confirmation of the ethics associated with this consumable object other than the obscure label of “hand crafted.”

Perhaps you are more inclined toward paperweight style rocks.

These paperweights come in varieties such as Lemurian, Smoky Quartz, Citrine, Amethyst and Rose Quartz. Each will set you back about $50 USD for something harvested from another country under unsubstantiated claims of sustainability. As an example, the lemurian is clear quartz crystal sourced from South America (in this case, Brazil). Does this make it different from other clear quartz crystals also composed of silicon dioxide? Only in that it used extensive fossil fuels to get to the United States even though we source crystals of this same quality domestically. This means that the citrine, smoky quartz, and lemurian are all foreign sourced materials domestically produced in the United States under stricter labor law conditions. And that rose quartz? It’s sourced from “Africa” – this is the only information available. They do not provide the country of origin, only the continent, raising concerns about how ethical these sourcing claims are when, again, this is a stone that can be sourced domestically within the United States.

But what if you want “natural quartz” with no specific label sourced from another country? They have you covered! There’s an entire nondescript “natural stone on stand“product that derives quartz of a variety of colors from India. Yet again, we could source stones domestically from within the United States, but instead we are sourcing them internationally relying on fossil fuels and imports.

3. Lying Tomes

Do you want to look like you read, but can’t actually read a book? Do you want to impress people without being able to carry on a conversation about the books on your shelf? Do you want a secret set of books for pressing flowers, herbs and dollar bills? Lucky you!

Try to ingratiate yourself with others dishonestly by purchasing bundles of books you’ve never read and likely have no intention of reading! Why curate your own book collection when you can have someone else color coordinate the covers as decorative objects, completely devaluing the words inside. Good for you!

4. Sticks and Other Dead Nature

Do you like collecting sticks while outside? No? Do you like the look of a stick with all of its bark sanded off? Yes? Well I have great news for you! For a little over $50 you too can look like you enjoy nature! Why bother going outside and touching grass?

Are you more interested in something wooden and dead that shows off the damage humans can do? You’re in luck there too! Instead of learning how to use a saw, sandpaper, and lacquer to achieve the same result, you can simply buy a slice of wood.

Gaze through the hole in the center of this piece of wood or count the rings to see how old it was. Even though we have trees in the United States this has been sourced from Indonesia and they won’t even tell you what kind of wood it is. It makes one wonder if these slabs of wood are derived from Indonesia’s rainforests. So why not contribute to ecological destruction for the sake of your taste and sensibilities?

5. Scrying Orbs

Shiny or translucent glass balls are sometimes used for scrying, especially if mirror like or otherwise interesting. Are you interested in buying an orb from West Elm? Some light up, which may help those worried about eye strain while scrying. Others look more like bubbles and will let someone relive some of their favorite bubble scenes while playing and trying not to break them.

But that sheen could still be useful. And besides, if we’re already having a recycling crisis in the United States, why not import other countries’ recycled glass products instead of replicating these and making them our own? Why not waste fossil fuels when domestic companies like Glass Now (not sponsored) is already going out of their way to produce beautiful, high quality products out of recycled glass?

6. Lying Fruit

How do you feel about bananas? Do you need to add a banana to your measuring device selection, but worry about the natural processes of reality? Do you think grocery store bananas are beautiful? Do you want to duct tape one to your wall?

Guess what?! You’re in luck!

Offered in both ripe and overripe coloring, these faux fruits will set you back $45 USD each. They will not provide any food or sustenance to anyone, and given bananas can be $0.19 each, you could buy around 237 bananas that could sit on your kitchen counter until eaten, providing you with food and achieving the same aesthetic for around a year assuming you buy 1 banana at a time.

That said, if you really want to look like you have a $120,000 USD banana duct taped to your wall, this is likely an ideal solution. Plus, Pretti.Cool (not sponsored) is based domestically in Houston, Texas. If you like unique objects, I do recommend checking them out.

7. Useless Knots and Metaphorical Chains

Do you feel trapped by your life and want to surround yourself with reminders? Are you into kinky stuff? Do you want subtle reminders to threaten family members and guests? Guess what, you special lovely person – these chains and knots will only bind you financially! As an example, the Five Linked Blackened Wood Object will set you back anywhere between $100-389 USD.

Alternatively, you may prefer stone.

Setting you back only $50, if you prefer a heavy stone chain this may be for you!

But what about those knots? Well, luckily they are very fragile.

Each is made of glass and could run you as much as $150 USD. They also come in black and other colors. It’s good that these knots are easy to break if necessary, but not so great if you are hoping to have a home not full of broken glass. These glass knots are made in China and imported to the United States. Alternatively, a vintage glass knot on Etsy will put you back $50, and an artisan made one will cost around $30.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this post and would like to see more like it please like, share, and subscribe!

Three black candles in three black candle holders of varying heights.

2023 Edition: 10 Dark Aesthetic items You Can Buy From Ikea

It’s that time of year again! After skipping 2022 (apologies), here are 10 Dark Aesthetic items to feed our spooky souls. Each of these items is available from Ikea US (not sponsored) and will complement the previous collection.

1. OBEGRÄNSAD Black Fur Rug

Source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/obegraensad-rug-black-50525345/

What says, “I’ve got issues I’m not willing to speak about so you have to make assumptions” like a black faux fur rug? This unique item, designed in a collab with Swedish House Mafia, will be soft on your feet until the faux fur mats together or you decide to try and put it through the washing machine and dryer. For maintenance of this spooky item, please consider having a brush set aside to keep it looking freshly shorn from the goth muppet from whence it came.

2. Koldby

Source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/koldby-cowhide-black-60222932/

What says, “I have issues I am absolutely willing to talk about so I can clear up your assumptions” like a real fur rug? This cowhide rug, available in both Black Angus and Jersey varieties says that you’re willing to walk on the skins of the slaughtered like the power hungry dark warlord you are. And think, every time you’re walking on it, you can hear a faint “moo.” Because really, what has a darker aesthetic than literal death?

3. Vonsbäk

Source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/vonsbaek-rug-low-pile-dark-blue-40528882/

Are you looking for a bit more sophisticated and mature floor covering that says, “I’ve either resolved or repressed my issues enough, but still like to keep it dark”? Ikea was thinking of you with the Vonsbäk rug. It manages to keep the general motif of the thousands of years traditional rugs that have existed while improving upon the buyers guilt that sets in around the time your black cat, Persephone, vomits all over it.

With an easy to vacuum low pile, this is perfect for the individual with the low maintenance dark aesthetic that likes cooler blacks (as opposed to warmer). If you don’t understand the difference, please seek a Gen X Elder Goth to explain, dear Baby Bat.

4. Klokhet

Source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/klokhet-unscented-candle-black-20519925/

Regardless of your choice of candlestick holder, few things are more essential than the black candle to put in it. These unscented black candles accentuate the flame atop them, and provide a level of sophistication to your carefully curated home. Even if it’s not a virgin lighting them, these candles will provide you with a spooky ambiance that is sure to make guests question your purity.

As for the potential candle holders? The ones pictured are the Fulltalig line. And if you need a way to snuff out those candles should you have limited desire for summoning a smoke monster, take a look at the Körsbästräd snuffer.

5. Lindrande

source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/lindrande-decoration-leaf-black-70431138/

Do you have a desire to have something minimally plant like, but still black in your space? Do you want to make sure no one confuses you for having a green thumb and would rather mount a fake leaf like a hunting trophy to display? Then the Lindrande is for you! This black display leaf will add that cold huntress of plants vibe to any space and may provide an appropriate threat to other plants in your living space should you have them. If you’re looking to fool people into thinking you have a green thumb may I recommend the Åkerbär display case that looks enough like a greenhouse you can fill it with fake plants and no one will be the wiser… unless they pick up your ceramic cactus.

If you like the concept of the Lindrande but want something wall mountable, check out the Vättlösa.

6. Chilistrån

Source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/chilistran-hanging-planter-indoor-outdoor-black-20511825/

Do you want your plants to look like medieval prisoners hanging in your windows or from your ceiling? Then Ikea has a great option for you! Perfect for forcing any plant to subject to your will by depriving it of access to the mycelium networks of the world, this hanging planter is sure to be a show stopper at your next gathering! Not only will you isolate your plant from being able to use chemo-physical communication methods, you will also keep it up out of reach of Persephone as to not upset her tummy. Don’t be surprised if she tries to play with it like a pendulum though!

7. Pjätteryd

source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/pjaetteryd-picture-low-flying-cloud-60533175/

Do you have a problem with being stalked by mysterious clouds, but every time you bring up this problem someone calls you crazy? Do you need a way to subtly communicate that you are being stalked by sentient collections of water vapor that may or may not be controlled by some unseeable force? Do you want to make sure your communication method matches your decor as to not tip off any stalking clouds that you’re on to them? Ikea has a solution for you! Captured by photographer Tom Fabia, a victim like yourself, you now can display proof that you too are being stalked by clouds. Are these a cry for help or simply a conversation piece for your support group for other cloud stalking victims? The choice is yours!

8. ädelsten

source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/aedelsten-mortar-and-pestel-marble-black-60201251/

Do you need a mortar and pestle for your various potions (or everyday cooking)? Do you want it to look nothing like the generic white marble and ceramic ones everyone else has? Well you’re in luck! Ikea was thinking of your spooky soul when designing this double sided, versatile piece great for witches and chefs alike. Whether you’re eating children or simply making a nice catnip seasoned pate for Persephone, this is the mortar and pestle for you!

9. Bild

source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/bild-poster-3d-scanning-30533105/

Are you or someone you love trying to find ways to show off your cyber goth edge? Do you believe that everything is a simulation? Well, Ikea has some wall art for you! Images by Fari Strachan, these posters provide the perfect backdrop to your conversations about the Matrix and existence of parallel universes due to a digital metaverse with less than benevolent overlords. The nondescript features of this digital head that lacks cohesive eyes with which to watch everyone at your party will be a perfect edition to your spooky home if you want more of that tech vibe.

10. Obegränsad Clock

source: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/obegraensad-clock-usb-black-70526589/

Do you want something on your wall that vaguely moves with the time of day, but is not actually useful as a clock? Do you want to impress your friends with a strangely moving art piece that cannot help you get to work on time? Do you want your home to exist in a strange time dilation compared to the rest of the world because no one will ever actually know what time it is? Then Ikea has the clock for you! This insult to clocks everywhere, better known as a vaguely clock like wall art piece, will offend anyone who cares what time it is. If you want to compose a real world mysterious, mind-bending atmosphere that will support your spooky soul, then this is definitely the piece for you! According to reviews, be sure to check on the adhesive associated with the front glass panel as this could be a regular part of maintenance, much like the rest of our darkly aesthetic lives.

Did you enjoy this take on Ikea products? Would you like to see a different aesthetic examined? Leave a comment and I will produce a similar piece accordingly.