How lazy, you ask? Well, you can buy 2 lbs (907 grams) of baby carrots from the store in a bag. The rest is about 15 minutes worth of work standing in front of a stove. That’s it. It’s okay though, this is one of Jacob’s favorites.
Grab that bag of baby carrots. Throw it in a cast iron pan with 2 tablespoons (or more) of coconut oil or olive oil, salt, pepper, and fresh chopped parsley. I like adding garlic scapes to taste in the oil first and getting those cooking while the oil is heating to medium or medium high heat.
While the oil is heating, pat your baby carrots dry and combine a half teaspoon of sea salt, a quarter teaspoon of ground black pepper, and a quarter tablespoon of fresh chopped parsley in a separate bowl – you’ll be adding these later. Remember: you don’t want the outsides of your carrots wet. Why? Water hitting hot oil splatters and splattering hot oil hurts. A lot.
Your oil is hot, now what? Add the baby carrots. All of them. Stir and coat them completely with the oil, then let them sit for a couple minutes, then rotate the bottom to the top. Repeat this for about ten minutes. Then, add your seasoning mixture and stir in completely making sure all of the carrots are coated evenly. Repeat letting the carrots sit for a few minutes, then rotating the bottom to the top. You should notice that the exterior of the carrots starts to blister and turn a brown/black while the carrots begin to soften. Once the carrots are completely tender, they’re ready to serve!
Leftovers are great chopped for soups and stews or pureed for sauces. The options are pretty endless. Bottom line: there are no excuses for carrots to go bad.
Hard mode: If you don’t want to be lazy, you could buy carrots and not a bag of baby carrots, then chop them or coin them. You can make a root vegetable medley and cook it the same way (I highly recommend turnips). If you do buy carrots, make sure to get the carrots that have the carrot greens on them. At the very end, remove the cooked carrots and add a little more oil and salt to the pan, then fry up the chopped carrot greens. I might be a little weird for this, but I love the taste of carrot greens and they’re one of the most exciting parts of any carrot harvest for me, even if I’m the only one eating them.
If you liked this post, please be sure to share, like, and/or comment below. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this brief write up of a quick and easy way to cook carrots.
The “passive aggressive” got added in there because a lot is happening in the United States right now. There are a couple wrong turns with this recipe. I’ll admit that it’s an invention based on this one I created in a way similar to that story about the Ship of Theseus.
All of what’s happening right now in the United States though? That’s where I got distracted today. There’s a lot. I’m trying to hold back because my words here aren’t the ones you should be listening to. Listen to the disenfranchised that are trying to make their voices heard.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
Ingredients and Supplies
If you’re going to make this recipe with me, you’re going to need to gather some ingredients – no specific brand should be necessary:
Frozen Blueberries (Costco sells big bags)
Lemon Juice (There’s a theme here)
Cup for Cup Gluten Free Baking Flour (I use Namaste from Costco)
Baking Powder
Salt
Stevia In The Raw or equivalent (I’m not sponsored, but I might have a Costco problem)
Powdered Sugar
Almond Milk (Okay, we’re calling it a Costco solution)
Coconut Oil (Costco non-polar solvent)
1 Egg
Vanilla Extract
Supplies To Grab:
1 Large Mixing Bowl
1 Medium Mixing Bowl
1 Small Mixing Bowl
1 9″ Round For Your Great Idea
1 18-muffin baking tin
Muffin tin liners
Whisks
Measuring cups / Kitchen Scale
Measuring spoons
While you look for those, I’m letting Jacob takes over. [You will continue to see Jacob’s thoughts in italics]
It’s weird how normal everything seems here, in Montana. I worry about the future of the United States and I have absolutely no idea of what that means to me, to us, here. The steady increase in violence from our government is terrifying. I wonder when it will reach here (or if, but I wonder if that’s too hopeful). But we’re in a low population density state. I can’t yet decide if I’m glad or disappointed that everything that’s going on is so far away.
If you’re following along, then you may have noticed that we have liquid ingredients and dry ingredients. I bet you can guess what I’m about to do next.
For your dry ingredients combine the following:
2 cups (0.47 l) of the gluten free flour blend
1/2 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
6 tbsp (75 g) stevia in the raw (or whichever baking stevia)
I whisk those together until evenly distributed and get distracted again.I want the protesters to return home safe and alive at the end of this storm. Refocus. Regroup.We have liquid ingredients too. Whisk together almond milk, lemon juice, vanilla, and egg.
1 large egg
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup (120 mL) almond milk
You may see something that looks a little like curdling. It’s almond milk, lemon juice, vanilla extract and egg. Don’t freak out. Keep calm and carry on, etc.
Measure out 1/2 cup (120 mL) of coconut oil (soft and pliable, not hard), then look everywhere for your pastry cutter. Once you find it, cut the coconut oil into your blended flour mixture until homogeneously incorporated. While I’m doing that, I definitely got distracted again.
I’m Distracted Again.
I keep reading about the violence and the destruction of these places I know and am from.
Statues and museums can be replaced by new, better statues and museums that discuss the same history. Maybe these new ones won’t be meant to remind an entire portion of the population that white people still have power in the South.
I don’t consider those protesters violent.
They are not taking life, and they are not injuring anyone.
This pretty much sums up my some of my opinions.
Wait, what are those protesters doing?
They’re calling for the destruction of the property of a racist group of mental troglodyte white women that have been financially linked to the KKK and of other monuments to the glorification of the Antebellum Era. They’re destroying the property of the same people that ensured my parents had to explain that it was called “Martin Luther King Jr. Day”, not “Jackson Lee Day”. They’re destroying the property of the same people that earned property/money through slave labor, then retained it after the Civil War. As far as I can tell, that means that any protester descended from a slave is therefore destroying property that is theirs by inheritance.
If they succeed, they will be making the South a place I want to move home to.
Just. Saying.
We’re Making Scones, Right?
We slowly pour and cut in the liquid ingredients until a homogenous dough is formed. Now measure out heaping cups of frozen blueberries.
This is when I read multiple stories about the police initiating violence with unarmed peaceful protesters. I read about the police killing David McAtee – a man who was well known for feeding them for free. I get distracted by the Rose Garden speech and get hit by nausea. I am reminded of how the police initiated violence against Virginia State Delegate Lee Carter of the 50th District during a peaceful protest. My friends and family (and their businesses) are right there, and I am so far away. I think of my friends that I worry about every day because Virginia police pull them over regularly for driving while black.
I miss the days when it felt like, over time, the world was becoming a better place.
Scones. Focus.
Using a wooden spoon smash the blueberries in as I gently mixed them into the scone dough.
I tried not to destroy them, but during my distraction the blueberries melted. I try to form them.
Next I have my round pan ready to form my scones. Supposedly, I do this by transferring everything to the pan, then cutting it with a knife after it has sat in the freezer for a bit.
Baking The Scones
I prepare the pan by cutting out parchment.
I put the pan in the freezer for 5-10 minutes to help it firm up.
I give up on the first idea after transferring all the dough into the pan. I have no idea how I’m going to separate it with a knife. I try, and I fail. Then I realize that I forgot to preheat the oven.
The blueberries are melting more – they are weaker than before – the thin blue wall around their exterior is failing them.
I re-smash the blueberries and scone dough into a muffin pan with muffin liners. They’re still scones – they’re not round scones or nice looking scones.
They’re downright disaster scones for a downright disaster of a day, a week, a month, a year?
They bake at 400 F (204 C) until golden brown. This was about 25 minutes in a gas oven (non-convection setting).
Glazing The Scones
We finish these off with a lemon glaze. 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and accidentally pour the remainder of your bag of powdered sugar into the bowl because… oops.
Stir until no clumps remain.
Stir that up
I served them up with Whittard’s Chelsea Garden tea. This is one of my favorite teas and comforts me because I tend to prefer floral and citrus flavors.
What would I do differently next time?
Use canned coconut cream instead of coconut oil.
To lighten the mood Jacob has a joke to share:
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Verdict? At least the scones and tea taste good. Next time: gluten free dairy free pesto risotto with black caviar. Jacob and I will leave you with a teaser of our next dish, warm wishes, and thoughts.
Be compassionate. Be safe. I support you and I hear you. Black Lives Matter.
FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
ALL LIVES DON’T MATTER UNTIL THE LIVES OF THOSE THAT FEEL THEIR LIVES ARE AT RISK AT ALL TIMES BY BEING ALIVE IN THIS COUNTRY MATTER.
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
What did you think of this installment of Lo Is Domestic AF? Are you planning to try out this scone disaster and improve upon it? If you do, I hope you don’t get as distracted. If you would like to see more of these, please comment below or like this post.
But I really like cookies and my sister has gotten me craving cookies. I blame you dear sweet sister, Becky.
Except, unlike her, I am not an angel of the kitchen. No. I create abominations behind closed doors. I present to you:
The Pillsbury Gluten-free [Cayenne Surprise] Chocolate Chip Cookie*
*not sponsored – this is what we had in the pantry
“But Lo,” You ask, “What’s the surprise if you tell us the cayenne is in it?”
Well, most people aren’t prepared for a cayenne chocolate chip cookie made with coconut oil instead of butter.
Don’t forget to preheat your oven to 375F because Pillsbury says,“🦆 the metric system!”
That’s 1/2 cup of softened coconut oil, couple dashes cayenne pepper, 1 tablespoon tap cold water, and an egg.
Blend until decently homogeneous such that unsuspecting husband cannot see the cayenne pepper flakes.
Advise him that he can taste how spicy they are if he would like. Watch as he makes his “ew that has raw egg in it” face.
Laugh on the inside as you taste it and suggest adding more. He says, “No.”
Elevation seems to impact cooking time a lot for this baking mix. At 3205 feet elevation (at MSO) the cook time is approximately 10 minutes. I have made this recipe at 6000+ feet elevation and 10 minutes was not the correct time. Both were gas ovens, but there are other variables to be aware of.
Listen, gluten-free baking is weird and I’m constantly whispering incantations like “you better work you 🦆ing box of baking soda tasting 💩 “ over it. I’m not a wizard, contrary to what my last name may lead some to believe.
Once the cookies are out you have to let them cool a little, then detach them.
Next comes the fun part – the cayenne.
Dust the cookies with cayenne then transfer to a rack to finish cooling because I obviously trust you to do the right thing. Right?
Psych! Get that second batch in the oven and get your favorite homogenized nut juice some weirdo is insisting you call nut milk. Pour a glass and get a plate with at least 2 cookies.
If you are using horchata instead, you’re the true goddess, my friend.
Like that glass? Sales of it support the survival of a community gathering place important to me. You can buy that glass here.
Are you ready?
Yay! 2/2 approve! Cayenne Surprise is the good kind.
So What’s The Surprise?
The spice sneaks up on you. The tingling starts around your lips and crawls around in your throat balanced with the flavors of chocolate and cookie. It’s subtle, but you can’t eat too many. The cayenne isn’t super noticeable visually. It adds a brightness close up. Overall, I’d say this was a success. Have you tried similar with a different chocolate chip cookie mix or recipe? How did it turn out?
What should I try to add to cookies next? Do you have another domesticpotentialdisasterfor me to attempt? Comment below!
