Tag Archives: Fantasy

The Hundredth Post! Excerpts From “Timber” And Short Story Collection

This is my hundredth post! As of yesterday, you all have blessed me with 2,000 visitors to this website in 2020. Because of this, I figured I would let my readers choose the content of my hundredth post, so I held a poll to let everyone decide what this post should be and the option selected by popular opinion was an excerpt from a work in progress. I have multiple works in progress, so I decided to include a scene from Timber and one of the short stories, Moving On, from my upcoming collection to be released at the end of this year.

For some context, Timber is a book that follows the main character, Sarah, through her divorce, loss of her existing friendships, and change of identity as her perceptions of reality are challenged and reconciled. The scene I picked is from the middle of the book.

Enjoy!

Photo by Hisu lee on Unsplash

Excerpt From “Timber”

Charity smiled sweetly as her large pale blue eyes with opalescent pupils caught Sarah off guard. She never noticed Charity’s eyes before, or the eyes of any other zombie for that matter. Her extremely pale skin, a deeper blue at the tips of her fingers, had been rarely this visible. She rolled up her sleeves and lovingly arranged baskets filled with children’s books and miniature prints of famous art.

“What will the children do with the baskets?” Sarah asked as Charity’s careful and loving movements prepared each basket.

“They’ll eat them and become smarter. It will help their brains develop and they will better be able to communicate with the world around them.” Charity responded with a hint of exhaustion at having to explain.

“Why not just give the children adult books. Wouldn’t that be faster and better?” Sarah inquired while reaching for her own stack of baskets to begin filling.

“You can’t just give a child a book at a higher reading level! Our brains develop similarly to humans – the solid foundations for learning must exist before we can advance. When a child tries to eat books more advanced than they can handle they get very stressed and sometimes sick. Sure, they might regurgitate the material, but they could end up confused with disjointed information because they couldn’t digest it properly.” Charity handed a stack of children’s books to Sarah.

“So, zombies eat in order to learn?”

Charity stopped filling the baskets and looked up at Sarah, her direct eye contact forcing Sarah to shift weight between her feet. “We do not call ourselves ‘zombies’. Humans came up with that term and forced us to take it with the addition of bad literature and even worse movies.” Charity cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and continued. “And yes, we must physically consume material to learn new information.”

“What do you call yourselves?” Sarah asked, apologetically. Momentary silence stretched into an eternity between tics of the wall clock’s second hand.

“Phagoneurites” Charity sighed. “Individuals are Phagonuers.” She paused and pointed to fabric basket covers. “Hand me the wraps, will you? These are ready to be sent to families.” She indicated to the full baskets now covering the table.

Sarah grabbed the wrap and started helping Charity enclose each basket. “If Phagoneurites learn information so efficiently, why aren’t more in higher paying jobs?”

Charity paused in silent contemplation as her posture and face saddened. “Take that question to your politicians, your judges, your lawyers, and your education system.” She tightened her jaw with a deep seething breath, “The way things are now, we can’t. There are policies against us everywhere, both written and unspoken. The written ones are carefully worded as to prevent us from challenging them. So, we have our own universities, but most businesses refuse to accept degrees from them. The human education system refuses to give our programs accreditations.” Charity began picking up baskets from the table and shifting them into the large bins labelled “outgoing”.

Sarah chewed her mouth, trying to understand her desire to argue with Charity’s words. She’d learned her whole life that the policies were ‘anti-discrimination’ and that it was a choice not to attend human schools. Her brain tried to understand the words Charity said while she kept silent. “I’m sorry,” Sarah managed to say before she even realized she spoke.

“You’re here. That’s a start.” Charity looked at the cleared table and opened a box of books labeled ‘Young Adult’, grabbing more baskets. Her blue lips pursed as she closed her large eyes, appearing to be weighed down by the long white eyelashes. “What was your favorite book as a kid?”


Moving On

The crisp fall air ebbs with the emerging early winter’s night, whipping my hair into my face. It is too cold to meander lost in thought, but too comfortable to be set on edge. The familiar streets twist and turn while the sidewalk cracks etch their places under the moonlight. Hands in my pockets, I fiddle with the once broken necklace. I trace my path with the motion­ sensor front porch lights and barking dogs from across the brick-paved streets.

She loved this walk. Sunday mornings, we dabbled in conversation. She beamed, with those golden curls framing that face – emerald eyes the hidden gems beneath. Her shoes clipped those cracks; she faltered and tripped. Calling herself clumsy, she would hit herself if she stumbled. If she didn’t catch herself, I tried my best to be the arms where she fell. Each time her face reddened: rosy cheeks and the embarrassed grimace. She glossed over that fluttering heart against my chest by enveloping me in a desperate hug. So many surprises emerged from her square, youthful features. I somehow forgot she stood two inches taller. Then again, in those days, I never stopped smiling like an idiot.

At the end of the road, a park hides among an old orchard once part of a larger estate. I approach it as my thoughts flash pleasant autumn days against my will. Under that tall one. They pull me, pointing. The one with the spread branches and the old board nailed to the trunk. My imagination carefully fills in the apple load that weighed down the branches. The scene bleeds memories. The apples from that tree tasted best. She stole apples. I stole a kiss.

I roll the memory around on my tongue. Her eyelashes caressed against my cheekbones. The sound of her soft breath and the rapid beating of her heart against my own as they synchronized: everything I wanted, presented to me with a button nose.

She smiled with such serenity. I boosted her into the tree. Her necklace, the little gold filigree cross pendant on a delicate chain, snagged on a branch, breaking the clasp. In a surprise, she slipped, and I caught her. Through her tears, I held her promising to retrieve and repair it.

Under that tree, in the darkness, I pull the necklace out of my pocket, tracing my fingers along the charm’s sides. Looking up to the branch, I see the stars on the other side of the barren branches.

The pendant was a gift from her parents. While repairing the necklace, I stared. I longed to meet them every time she chose never to invite me to join her at a family dinner or event. I sought out pictures to prove to myself that they looked like her. I fantasized about which bits of her personality she inherited from whom. I wondered if they ever knew my name.

I lost my taste for apples. She disappeared. She never really loved you. Answering machine messages blinked in and out of existence without response. Notes I left under her door sat in my mind, their words echoing my insecurities from inside their sealed envelopes. Why did you ever think you were deserving of love? Why did you think you’d be more than someone’s phase or experiment? Removing the repaired necklace from my pocket, I kiss the pendant one last time. I loop it on a tree branch and turn to leave – following the brick road to a home of boxes and goodbyes. In my periphery – my mind playing tricks – I glimpse her walking our path alone.


Thank you so much for taking the time to read this hundredth post. If it speaks to you, please let me know by liking, commenting, or sharing. This helps me know which posts my readers like best.

Things In Writing I Pay Attention To That Other People Might Not Care About

If Haskell gets any closer Nyxie will show him the consequences

Yes A Does Really Have To Get To B Eventually

Cause And Effect

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Unresolved situations are frustrating.

Example: If a character experiences trauma, they will be traumatized and then display signs of trauma as a result of the event.

To not experience trauma in response to a traumatic event indicates something other. This could be used as a literary device. If it is not being used as a device it is distracting and takes away from the work. Make sure all actions have consequences.

Does The Characterization Of Each Character Match Up With The Timeline?

Characters are on a journey. Each character is moving from A to B and some will go on to C or D. Along those paths each character is changed. This creates the timeline of a book. How a character is portrayed in a scene needs to match the point in the timeline a character is at.

Example: A character that is in her twenties thinks about bills and her job as opposed to a character in her teens that is thinking about school. Because of this, the relationships formed around these areas are most important in life and are the most emotionally impactful outside of family and those that might as well be family.

We Didn’t Go Anywhere

When the setting of a story changes it’s important to have some form of transition to show movement of time and place.

There are some stories that don’t include enough details about objective indicators of passage of time and check that they are consistent such that all of the details of the story align temporally.

There are some stories that don’t include them at all and it’s somehow eternal summer somewhere bizarre like Alaska.

There are some stories that include way too much detail. It’s overwhelming and distracting from the story. I am suddenly studying the passage of time and the changing of the seasons instead of the nature of man.

There are some stories that include lots and lots of details. So many details. All the details. But none of them align temporally, so suddenly April was both 6 months ago and 2 months ago with Winter only 3 months away. This is when I start getting headaches. James Joyce does this. A lot.

Characters Have Hidden Lives

It’s Okay To Have “Offensive” Characters

There’s a huge difference between an “offensive” character that upsets readers and an overdone inaccurate stereotyped character that upsets readers because it doesn’t resonate.

The best offensive characters speak to the group they’re offending because they are too accurate and too real. This will be upsetting to some people. That’s the kind of “offensive” I relish. There may be those that demand a content warning. Good – research is showing that content warnings increase the reads a piece gets much like good tagging because people are seeking them out.

I don’t care who the author is – I promise if you have done your research and shaped your character in a way that reveals truths in your observations, I will love your character even if people get really upset with you over it. Cut the wound deep and hit where it hurts, not where it’s been done ad nauseum unless it’s real. Reveal something no one else has, but remember that pen names exist for your protection.

Your Characters Have Conversations The Reader Doesn’t Know About And Doesn’t See

An author cannot document everything. They are writing down a snapshot of a potential alternate universe that could exist because someone thought of it, right? That means all of those characters have private inner lives the reader can’t possibly know in its entirety. This means characters can have relationships with each other that are implied instead of explicitly stated. All of this helps to create depth.

It helps to come up with a full backstory for every character in a story even if it’s never talked about or mentioned. This will influence how dialogue is written and how hidden relationships between characters are revealed.

Your Characters Have Moods

Depending on your character’s internal state they will have a mood. This mood will translate into action or inaction in response to a stimulus and that will result in some consequence. Moods and energy levels related to exhaustion as an effect of the story timeline should all be cohesive.

Your Characters Of Different Cultures Are Going To Have Trouble Getting Along

Culture clash is real. The minority of people will be peaceful and fine and that’s great, but your characters aren’t the saints you think they are. Nope. They are averse to change and other cultures and view other as dangerous. This goes all ways. Be real – your characters from different cultures are going to be uneasy around each other and hesitant to make friends for legitimate reasons evolutionary wired in (if they’re humanoid).

Settings Are Places That Can Only Be Known Through Experience

Setting Descriptions Have A Time And Place With Characters In Them

It is not uncommon that I run into setting descriptions that are detached from the story either by the characters not interacting with the setting features or by the characters existing completely separate from setting descriptions.

By integrating setting details with the story as a whole the sensory experience can be the focus. The integrated sensory experience of the setting provides the reader with a greater sense of passage of time.

Settings Indicate Culture

Think about it – In the United States, if I set a story in the South a reader is going to anticipate a lot of passive aggressive saccharine manipulation straddled by y’alls happening. If I set a story in the Northeast, there’s a more WASPy social norm puppet show expectation.

But that’s based on the dominant culture of an area. What about when you’re writing about an area’s subculture?

I like to refer to framing subculture structures in writing as “country clubs” – it’s exclusive, you need to know someone to be someone, and there are generally specific central gathering places.

TL;DR

  • Make sure everything makes sense temporally
  • Ground the reader in temporal details outside the character
  • Offend by speaking the truth and make very effort to ensure that truth resonates in an effective and impactful way with the audience
  • Characters have conversations the reader won’t see but totally influence what the final dialogue will be.
  • Characters have inner lives, states, and energy levels that change as a result of the story. Write that.
  • Culture clash is real. Observe it and describe it. Be curious and nuanced. This gives a story so much depth.
  • Details of setting can be added to show passage of time in the story and immerse the characters and action in the location.
  • Settings indicate dominant culture and can somewhat indicate subcultures.

Thank you for reading! If you like this post on writing please like and let me know. What are things in books that drive you crazy?

January 2020: “The Engineer: A Chronicles of Actaeon Story” by Darran M Handshaw

Summary (Caution – Mild Spoilers Balanced with Extreme Vagueness):
Actaeon of Shore comes to the Pyramid in search of his future. He hopes to establish his profession as one of importance to his people because he sees its value. But others don’t – that’s the first hurdle. What is a capital “E” Engineer? Actaeon must prove what that is to the aristocracy to earn his place. And thus, our hero begins this life journey. The reader tags along as he defeats various threats to the great capitol city, houses refugees, prevents invasions, and discovers the potential good and evil technology brings to the world of Redemption.

During these many adventures Actaeon grows from a young man without ties to the owner of his own workshop. He takes on apprentices and employees, extending the benefit of his knowledge. He forges alliances of diplomatic importance by association with his homeland as a consequence of his own good humor and drive for success rather than political gain.

More importantly, Actaeon grows from a young man into a mature adult that is in love with strong values that were not shaped, nor present at the beginning of the book. He falls in love and finds that his entire life shifts as he has to rebalance his own priorities on multiple occasions to better suit these new circumstances. One this is certain: every action is not without consequence.

Overall Response:
First off, I need to address 2 pachyderms currently hanging out with me while I write this review: LitRPG and pacing. Let’s hand pacing the first peanut. This is a long, slow paced book. The language and pacing is similar to that of the Charles Dickens serial story telling style. This is not for everyone. It may frustrate some readers, though I think it works well for a book that needs slow, deliberate pacing and language that detaches a reader from the present day. That said, readers should go into the book knowing it is a slow paced 600 pages broken up into short segments filled with every aspect of life.

Next peanut – the book is LitRPG. As far as I’m aware, this is the first LitRPG book I’ve read. I had to read up on the genre, and previously I boycotted reading Ready Player One because the concept annoyed me. I read more and as it turns out, I definitely did this with NeverWinter Nights as a preteen. If I had skipped the forward, I would have never thought of the book as a “video game” and instead thought of it as fantasy. The details and mechanics of Redemption are built upon in such a way that I would never have known or had to have looked for more information.

The pacing works because this is a modern bildungsroman for a mature audience. The entire overarching story is Actaeon’s life and character growth as he develops his profession and falls in love – then learns what both of those things mean. Life changes and character growth don’t happen overnight, so the speed is realistic. I found myself having epiphanies with the Engineer as he watched his inventions be used for good and evil. There are moments where the most painful tragedy in a scene is the loss of innocence a young adult must face as a result of their own naivety. Who can’t relate to that?

Handshaw approaches serious topics including neurodiversity, politics, religion, love and death with a sense of humor and the friendly detachment of a fictional setting. ‘The Engineer’ is a deep and thought provoking read.

On a separate note, I found myself in awe when I realized that this book truly is a love letter. I admit it’s really romantic.

Grammar:
While at times confusing or frustratingly passive, the pace is purposeful. The book meets or exceeds the <1 error/10,000 word industry standard.

LGBTQA+:
There were no major characters that overtly fell into this category. That said, there is distinct discussion of “otherness” and being separated and outcasted. Additionally, there is a touching coming out scene for a character experiencing otherness and revealing this to someone they love and trust. Based on the presence of a coming out scene, otherness, and constant challenging of what gender means, I think this book lands potential inclusion. I would love to hear what others think.

Twilight Zone Moment:
Every book has at least one. There are a couple strange religious groups that show up in the background and some loose ends from super minor characters that disappear. These aren’t necessarily Twilight Zone Moments as much odd details that melt into the background without knowing more about the game the book is based on.

Want to know more about the author?
To read more by Darran M Handshaw’s author page on Amazon or buy the book here. You can follow his new writing and wit on Twitter as well. A man dedicated to his engineering and family he did share with me that his wife, Stefanie Handshaw, has a book of poetry and photography recently released called “My Ephemeral Light” also available here.

January 2020: “MORNNOVIN: The Way Of The Falling Star Book 1” by Alyssa Marie Bethancourt

Summary (Warning: Mild Spoilers):

Elves living in hiding. Humans oblivious to their continued existence. What could go wrong? The humans of Asrellion live under the false belief that they eliminated all elves in a genocidal war centuries ago until a prince encounters one in the forest and she saves his life. From that moment their lives are intertwined, even as she disappears and the human nations go to war. At least he is comforted by the dreams they share together in each other’s absence.

Seven years into the raging war between human nations, the prince becomes suspicious and discovers that humans are being manipulated – pitted against one another by a mysterious force. The elf princess too must face this same mysterious enemy. When reunited by a common threat, there is no time to dwell on the realization that they know each other’s worlds or that their dreams were shared.

But the world is so much more complicated when hidden siblings with language barriers emerge and necrophiliacs are watching.

Amidst the lore of this book and the implications of the mythical bond, lies a story of love and self discovery twisted by outside forces. As we follow our adventurers around the amazing world of Asrellion the reader witnesses a race war unfold.

Overall Reaction:

Holy Crap. I mentioned that I had previously met the author, but I had never before read anything she has written. I love this book and the world of Asrellion. Where’s Sir Peter Jackson?

Think: The Princess Bride meets The Lord Of The Rings (and The Hobbit) with more genocide balanced with artfully crafted dialogue for each individual character’s voice and way fewer song breaks.

The world of Asrellion has an attribute I will from here on out refer to in reviews as “other laws of physics.” Magic and other mythic properties are consistent and comfortable and don’t take on illogical cause and effect relationships. A reader can wander around and learn Asrellion in their own head as they choose and based on the MORNNOVIN fanfiction, I am glad to say it appears many are!

I love that all of the characters are deeply flawed in complex ways. Characters are irrational, emotional, arrogant, petty, in denial, self-serving, and some are extremely out of touch with the reality other characters around them are seeing. There’s also character growth. These flaws are chipped away at, little by little, so they morph and change, but never fully go away.

In regards to character presentation and point of view: I don’t call it head hopping and based on everything I’ve read, this doesn’t actually fall into the definition. One perspective per scene (from third person) is used to reveal limited information to the reader, even with an omniscient narrator and the perspective is always logical and clearly presented. This tool is used to follow intense emotions (example: we follow a character that leaves the room instead of staying to hear what another character says that’s painful for them to hear). I haven’t encountered this before and it made it possible to focus on emotional aspects of the story without having to use words to talk about the emotions.

Each kingdom of elves or humans has unique cultural practices that play out through dialogue, dress, and mind games between characters. Culture clashes and language barriers are constantly explored through observations and reactions unique to each character’s personality making each reaction feel genuine to a reader without ever feeling heavy handed.

Overall, I loved the story of war strategy, fighting an enemy, and how the author allowed adversity to exist beyond the main plot in numerous ways I can’t get into here without spoiling the book. If you love fantasy books about elves, humans, culture clashes and genocide this is probably the book for you.

LGBTQA?

Major characters are represented as having diverse relationship types. Absolutely belongs on any LGBTQA Fantasy Book list.

Grammar+

The few items I found were not noticeable enough to interrupt the flow of reading and are within the 1 error/10,000 word standard.

Twilight Zone Moment

Every book has one. Without going into detail or spoiling anything, there is a scene where a character shows up beaten to a pulp to execute a secret plan to take down an enemy, but I was very confused as to how the character got beat up.

Learn More About The Author

To learn more about Alyssa Marie Bethancourt check out her interview as part of the 2020 Author Interview Series. To keep up with future projects, you can visit her website and follow her on Twitter here. You can buy the book direct from the publisher here or on Amazon here. There is a Kickstarter for the second book, Trajelon: The Way Of The Falling Star Book 2.