February 2020: “But I Am Here” by Pamela Bettencourt

This review is going to be a little bit different for a couple of reasons. First, I received this book from the author after receiving an email asking if I would read it and consider reviewing it on my website and in my LiveTweet format. Upon reviewing a summary and the website my answer was a resounding yes. This was my answer because the author is not alone. It was good to know that I’m not alone.

Summary (Caution – Mild Spoilers):

In her memoir “But I Am Here” Bettencourt uses prose poems and free verse poetry to tell the story of her abuse, how it impacted her life, still impacts her life, her attempts to get help, and when she had to make the choice to tell her husband and the world.

The book begins with reflection as an adult, then transports the reader into the mind of a child. In each section the reader lives through Bettencourt’s eyes as she tells these stories without ever using names. Each section concludes with a reflection on the experience from the adult perspective based new insight gained through healing.

Overall Reaction:

In this powerful, moving memoir I ache for the author and her experiences. I feel very passionate about protecting children and helping those that are survivors of sexual abuse. The author does not use complex language, nor does she need to. She hides information appropriately to ensure that the reader experiences each moment the way she experienced it. This amplifies the experience of the book.

I found I had to take several breaks due to the intensity of the material. The book does not hide its content warning. It’s on the front cover. There are resources in the back for those that read it and need help processing any emotions or past trauma that may come up while reading the book. All of this is extremely well thought out.

The amount of vulnerability involved in this writing and the amount of information shared by the author is incomparable to books like “Helping Her Get Free” or “Perfect Daughters” due to the accessibility of the information. Both of these books discuss forms of abuse experienced in childhood and how that shapes adult behaviors with heavy analysis. In contrast, Bettencourt brings the reader inside her own head. We are guided through her thoughts and experiences overtime to see how she got into each head space without going into the academic view point beyond helpful information any reader can understand. This makes the book accessible to a very broad audience.

I am sad that more was not mentioned about the experience of disclosure to loved ones. I believe that part of the purpose of the book was the disclosure. This is both painful and makes complete sense.

In terms of my own personal experiences and what the book brought up for me, I will be brief. For survivors of childhood sexual assault/abuse it is a hard read, but I felt a deep connection. The book takes great care in the reflections shared to connect with the reader’s experiences and own journey, whether these realizations be new or old. It does not try to explain the realizations – they can all be explained to the reader on their own journey by the resources in the back or through therapy.

“But I Am Here” is a painful, beautiful read. Reality is stranger than fiction and child sexual abusers are a great example.

LGBTQA+

I believe this book is absolutely relevant to anyone, including members of the LGBTQA+ community, who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse. There is no mention of LGBTQA+ individuals in the book, but this does not impact my opinion on this matter.

Grammar & Punctuation

There are a few spelling errors that can easily be corrected in future printings of the book. These errors do not interrupt the overall reading experience.

For More Information On Getting Help

You can visit online.rainn.org or call 1-800-856-4673 (US) – these are mentioned in the back of the book.

Additional organizations that provide information, work to assist in reporting, and help victims and survivors:
https://www.d2l.org/
https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/sexual-abuse
https://thercc.org/get-support/supporting-loved-one/supporting-child-sexually-assaulted/
https://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/sexual-abuse-in-childhood

I would love to expand this list – please feel free to submit additional websites to lopotterwrites@gmail.com

Want To Read More About The Author?
You can visit the book’s website here. For each copy of the book sold through the publisher’s website the publisher will donate $1 to the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline. You can follow the author on Twitter here.

February 2020: “Trillium” by Margaret Lindsay Holton

Trillium – By ML Holton

In The End There’s Wine

Edited to remove spoiler and shorten overall review with hindsight:
Three families through three centuries. One colonist family. Super heavy on the pro-colonialism and anti-indigenous slant. Two immigrant families. Anti-immigrant. 100% Canadian.

Book reads as clumsily very anti-Irish, anti-Italian, homophobic and anti-autistic (coming from the queer autistic descendant of working class 20th century north American immigrants). This comes across in cartoonish and caricature-like depictions of characters and their dialogue. I attempted to give the author direct feedback in private to seek advice from a sensitivity reader, though I think this may not have been communicated effectively at the time.

(I didn’t add this to the Amazon review, but I’d like to note) – I hate rating systems. I started using them based on technical writing errors only based on APA editorial standards. Like, I tried to come up with some objective way for making every book I wrote a review about 3-5 stars. Only best sellers got anything less than a 3. I was new and never intended to hurt anyone’s feelings with a rating. I was new to using tags and thought they were for my own analytics. This is not a bad book. It is quite the opposite. Nor is a 3/5 a bad rating.

Three stars because I do think it’s a story worth telling. I firmly believe none of the above was intended on the author’s part (until proven otherwise). If any professionally trained sensitivity readers would like to read this book and contact the author with recognition for the beauty of the amazing work of art inside the book and acceptance of the humanness that exists in all of us, please do. I believe in this book.

Want To Read More About The Author?
You can read my interview with Margaret Lindsay Holton here. You can purchase the book here. Follow the book on Twitter here.

Author Interview Series 2020: Craig Stewart

Craig Stewart
Craig Stewart’s Author Photo

I’m excited to introduce another Canadian author, Craig Stewart! With a background as a filmmaker and author, he takes a very visual approach to the horror genre and won the New Apple Literary Award of Excellence for Horror in 2018 for his book “Worship Me”. The following interview questions focus on this book – one that I will be reviewing soon. I hope you enjoy these answers as much as I have. These answers are direct quotes. If you would like more information on his books, you can view all of those available for purchase through amazon here. Additionally, you can visit their author website at www.everythingcraigstewart.com.

What are a few of your favorite things? How did these influence Worship Me?

Whiskers on kittens, but that has very little to do with Worship Me. I guess, if I’m being honest, Worship Me has less to do with my favorite things than it does my least favorite things. Like most horror stories, it’s meant to purge the demons from our psyche, and the demons in Worship Me have to do with faith vs. flesh; it started with me questioning: how can someone reconcile spiritual belief with the bloody, bodily reality of being alive? And so, the setting became a small country church, like the one I was taken to as a child, and the invading force became a powerful, ancient entity that could reduce people to their bowels and bones. Through the trials of the characters, I tried to make this book an exploration of what living and dying really is; something I had been struggling with at the time, having been going through my own grieving process after the death of my sister. Really, this book wouldn’t have been written if I didn’t have that sorrow within me. It needed out, so I let it out. Otherwise, maybe it really would have been about whiskers and kittens.

Do you have any inside jokes with friends and/or family members that you like to sneak into your content?

I love inside jokes. There’s not as many as I’d like there to be in Worship Me, due to its tone, however, the layout of the church in the book is based off the real St. Paul’s United Church that I attended as a child. And, I always try to find a way to fit in the name of my high school drama teacher, who was the first person to really take a chance on me, creatively.

What do you find is the hardest part of the writing process?

Trying not to hate the world for not letting you just sit down and write. I often find myself in the middle of making dinner, angry at my food, because I just had a brilliant idea (or so I think at the time), and this food, sizzling away, mocking me with its little pops and fizzes, is keeping me from doing what I need to do. So, having an understanding that I need to eat, I guess that’s what I’m saying is the hardest.

How long did it take you to write Worship Me from the first idea to publication date?

Wow, great question. In total I’d say about seven years from its original conception. Originally, I wrote it as a screenplay and adapted the book from that.

What advice do you have to new authors?

Most likely, everyone is going to say “No.” In order to survive those rejections, make sure what you write is something you really believe in. Don’t write for someone else. Just write honestly, and then hope someone cares. Maybe someone will!

Who do you think the biggest unexpected allies in writing a book are?

Fellow writers. There’s a caricature out there of ‘the writer’ as a jealous, lonely narcissist – that, of course, exists – but, for the most part, all of the writers I have met have been brilliant, beautiful and generous people. They know the struggles and are more than willing to reach down and help to pull you back up. They might even dust you off, if you’re lucky.

Who do you think the biggest unexpected enemies in writing a book are?

Probably yourself. Though, maybe that’s not terribly unexpected. It’s hard to be heard in these loud times, and a lot of writers think, “Well, if I haven’t sold a million copies yet, then it’s my own failing, I’m just no good, like I always feared…Guess I’ll go back to canning tomatoes.” Only to realize that robots can tomatoes now (unless they’re genetically modified tomatoes – those ones can themselves). Anyway, chances are, your work is just getting lost in the cacophony of the modern age. The real truth is that people aren’t reading as much as they used to for a plethora of reasons. So, you may never sell a million copies. Don’t let that be your motivation. Again, write the book you’d want to read, then your biggest enemy won’t have anything to say.

What was your biggest inspiration?

Well, Worship Me, as mentioned earlier, was born out of grief, and my long journey losing my faith. Really, all the horror in the book was inspired by that painful process, which should help to explain why the book is so filled with pain. In terms of influences, I’ve always been a hardcore Clive Barker enthusiast. He’s the real reason I fell in love with writing, and with monsters. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead filled my head with nightmares as a childand sometimes as an adult. I always loved the claustrophobic storytelling with all those characters stuck together in a little house. That, certainly, influenced Worship Me. King’s The Mist, for sure.

If you could send a letter back in time to yourself when you were first starting to write Worship Me, what would it say?

Hi Craig, this is Craig. You invent time travel in the future. Also, don’t be afraid to show your heart – they’re much easier to rip out that way. And that’s what this story’s about.

Why do you write?

Like most authors, I write out of necessity. On the selfish side, the act of writing just makes my mind feel better – it helps sort out the chaos. On the slightly less selfish side, I can remember being a young gay kid growing up in a small town and feeling awkward and out of place… then, I found the horror section of the local video store, and it was filled with angsty stories of other outcasts that tore through heteronormativity with chainsaws and butcher knives. I felt scared, because it was unearthing feelings that I didn’t even know I had. I felt understood; I felt at home. I’d like to try to create works that could be a home for other outcasts.

Upcoming Reviews: February 2020

Welcome to February 2020! This list was very delayed (I apologize) and not all of these books will have live tweet reviews. That said, you can expect a continuation of the Author Interview Series.

The February 2020 Books Are:

Trillium” By ML Holton (Full Review; Author Interview)

But I Am Here” by Pamela Bettencourt (Live Tweet Review; Full Review)

Worship Me” by Craig Stewart (Live Tweet Review Coming Soon; Full Review Coming Soon; Author Interview)

Wanting Peace” by Alaine Greyson (Live Tweet Review; Full Review)

Schedule Update (March 19 2020):
Working on posting reviews until I am back on track. Due to a death in the family as well as illness there have been some delays.
Ideal schedule:

Mondays – Story Updates/Announcements
Wednesdays – Reviews
Fridays – Author Interviews

That’s the goal!

If you are interested in submitting your book for future review, I am currently booked through end of July 2020 and am currently looking for books starting with August 2020. Check out the schedule of themed/open-themed months here. Due to this backlog, the calls on Twitter have been temporarily discontinued until further notice.

Requirements for submission:

  • Print Edition Must Be Available (preferably paperback)
  • Under $20 (USD) – I buy your book like everyone else!
  • Not Erotica or “The Serbian Film” Level Gore/Sex/Violence – for more details check here.

You can send me an e-mail with the subject line: Only a Hippopotamus Will Do (e-mails not including this subject will be ignored)

In this e-mail include:

  • a link to where I can purchase your book.
  • a brief introduction to yourself
  • a link to your Twitter and/or personal website (if applicable).

IF you are interested in sending me a copy of your book, please send me an e-mail with the subject line: The Buffalo Seem Fine to Me