Tag Archives: Neurology

Book Review: How To Make Sure Your Life Doesn’t Suck By Maggie Gilewicz PhD

I will be refraining from giving a star rating and focusing on discussing the value of this book to audiences and potential difficulties some may face if they read it before they are ready to take in its information. A lack of star rating is NOT a bad review. I highly recommend this book to anyone that would benefit from Dr. Gilewicz work, of which I believe there are many, including individuals within the neurodiverse community.

Summary:

In “How To Make Sure Your Lie Doesn’t Suck” Dr. Maggie Gilewicz breaks down the basic principles of Inside-Out self understanding for an audience that may not be familiar with its use in branding, marketing, customer experience, data analytics and elsewhere in the business world. She introduces her readers to a holistic interpretation of the body of works by Michael Neill in a friendly and easy to digest way that takes the time to incorporate elements of psychology useful to the individual reader. Throughout this book she encourages readers to shift their focus to self-actualizing behaviors and reframed thought patterns as opposed to those governed by shoulds, woulds, and coulds as created by the pressures of society and outside forces we view as authorities. In language easily accessible to an audience without training in psychology, this book gives readers suggestions on how to find their own unique paths to embracing authenticity and happiness.

Overall Response (Caution: Spoilers) :

Dr. Gilewicz connects with her audience through anecdotes addressing transitioning our thoughts from the pressures of the world around us to thinking about what makes us happy and what we want in life. She does this without telling her audience what to want and how to be cautious of others telling them what they should want, encouraging critical thinking.

She shares how her thinking has changed on writing, exercise, minor childhood trauma, and fighting with her partner about making the bed, emphasizing how changing thinking helped her embrace the variability of her moods and the moods of others. Her words encourage readers to take responsibility for their own moods, emotions, and thoughts without over analyzing or passing judgment. With these anecdotes, she shows vulnerability and shares her own moodiness to explain how this is normal. She encourages readers to accept we are all human in this regard and to consider the moods and internal influences of those around us so we can improve communication.

Dr. Gilewicz takes the time to write the kind of book the self-help industry should be afraid of because it aims to tell the average neurotypical person that they’re okay just the way they are.

Even though she does not have a PhD in psychology, I’d like to emphasize that her PhD in sociology allows her to examine the problems of the individual from a societal, big-picture level and that truly comes through and shines in her writing as she provides compassionate and understanding insights for the average person. I do wish she would give herself more credit on this front.

So far I’ve used the words “neurotypical”, “average” and “normal” to describe the audience suited to read this book with no prior learning. That said, I believe this book has value beyond that limited audience. As a neurodiverse individual that uses inside-out thinking, I need to caution potential neurodiverse audiences that changing the way you think on its own does not stop the physiological/neurological responses of trauma, illness, or neurodevelopmental differences. Additionally, if you’re like me, it may be frustrating and take a long time to learn. There will be no “aha!” moment and instead be a gradual change back to an emotional/mental place that feels familiar, but you can’t explain it. You may come to find that inside-out thinking looks different for neurodiverse individuals and that’s okay. Using myself as an example, I have to over-analyze everything in a detached way similar to a child playing with a new toy as a means to determine which emotion I’m feeling in a language neurotypical individuals understand to communicate and, as a bonus, this provides me with a means of emotional regulation to interact with the outer world. There’s also the issue of intuition. Inside-out thinking works differently in neurodiverse individuals due to differences in how intuition works and you will need to learn your differences in intuition. As an example, I may be able to do rather bizarre mathematical and spatial calculations “intuitively” including looking for patterns and connections in data sets others may not have noticed, but I cannot do the same thing with my emotions. This is okay. Simply be aware, inside-out thinking for the neurodiverse brain is not covered in this book, but it’s not judged as wrong either. Once you know how your own neurodiverse “intuition” works, I still recommend reading this book to gain a unique perspective that demonstrates its benefits and some applications you might not have thought about.

There are limitations to this book and inside-out thinking. Inside-out thinking will not prevent or alter the physiological experiences of extreme grief when you lose multiple family members to death one after another in a short period of time or to a severe tragedy. It will not change the DNA methylation or histone modifications that are the result of severe trauma your grandparents or great grandparents experienced (as far as we know). It will not change the way your amygdala and adrenal glands physiologically responds to a trigger if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (For this, I personally had good experiences with EMDR, music assisted EMDR – talk to a professional and see what they recommend for you). It will not change the chemical imbalances that can lead to dissociation or extreme distorted thinking. It will not change the neurological circuits associated with compulsions or the physiological damage associated with loss of impulse control or other loss of function diagnoses. Inside-out thinking will not fix everything, but it will help with resilience when you are faced with worst case scenarios. It will give you the ability to let go of the self judgment that your experiences are inherently wrong because there’s nothing wrong with them. With that understanding, you will gain the resilience to keep going through the absolute worst imaginable life events, even when it seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. It will also help you better use the tactics you’ve learned in therapy, such as reframing your thoughts and avoiding ruminations to not spiral into a nonfunctioning state. For audiences that resonate with the limitations listed, don’t let this book be your first introduction to the concept, but do not dismiss it. Go to a trained professional in psychology for therapy. You’ll recognize CBT, DBT, and other therapies subtly referenced in this book after working with a professional. When you are in an emotionally secure, safe place I encourage you to sit with Dr. Gilewicz’s book and take in her perspective because, beyond resilience, the parts where she encourages readers to keep growing and discover their innermost desires and addresses self-actualization (without using that word) is uplifting and essential for anyone.

Another audience that may struggle with this book are those with diverse neurodevelopmental experiences and/or those that have faced active interference from outside forces in response to immutable traits such as their neurodiverse status, sexuality, gender, chronic health status, or any aspect of their appearance. This book will not help you achieve your deepest desires in the face of a world that will put roadblocks in your way and will tell you “no” regardless of your legal protections. There are points in this book (or any book related to this topic) where a reader may say “what happened to me was not fate and did not have to happen! What about everything you said about free will?!” For this audience I still suggest inside-out thinking, but I remember a time when I thought what I was learning “felt” invalidating to my experiences. If you start to read this book and find yourself in that place, take a step back. Try again later. Do so when you can understand that Dr. Gilewicz wrote this with the absolute best of intentions: a place of love and to encourage a reader to make peace with the events that cannot be changed and to embrace how they have shaped you into the beautiful human you are instead of carrying your feelings around that event as baggage into the future. She wrote this book because she genuinely believes every single person reading it deserves to have a life that doesn’t suck.

In all honesty, while I do think audiences need to take a moment to ask themselves if they are in the right internal place to approach Dr. Gilewicz’s book, I think its information and the way it is presented is valuable. The language is accessible, avoiding jargon and keeping a friendly tone. It pushes individuals to think critically and purposefully about what they are incorporating into their lives and to consider how the way they process that information impacts their emotions. This book, much like the books “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and “Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson, encourages readers to take control of their mental health and the way they view the “worst” events of their lives by trying to find the ability to reframe the narrative or situation so they can feel differently. And maybe even laugh.

LGBTQA+

I do believe this book to be valuable to an LGBTQA+ audience, though it does not address this audience directly.

Grammar+

This book meets or exceeds the 1 error/10,000 words industry standard.

About The Author & Where To Buy

Dr. Maggie Gilewicz is a sociologist and transformative coach living in London, UK. You can visit her website here or follow her on Twitter. You can purchase a copy of the book here.

Prima – A Poem

Prima

She listens to the world move
[beat,
two-three,
beat]
like old people listen to talk radio.
And flutters in her own world,
wild thing,
she programs an image to her brain:

reality

it crashes.

Much like a ballet,
she falls when she fears the music is stopping.
[pressing her cheek against her knee]
Then valiantly she jumps and spins,
[twirling
two, three,
spinning
two, three]

But eventually, all music ends;

fallen on the stage

alone.


If you connected with this poem, the comments section is for you to share your thoughts and/or experiences. I am grateful to anyone that chooses to share – I make that space for you. Thank you for taking the time to read this poem today.

Wasteland America Road Trip: Montana To California And Back In 2020

Jacob:
Last week we drove. A lot.

The Drive There

Lo had a medical appointment in San Francisco, and normally we’d fly there (sometimes there are even direct flights) and stay with friends, but these are not normal times. As if a global pandemic weren’t enough, the whole west coast has apocalyptic forest fires and apocalyptic air quality, so we brought along our whole-house air filter in the back seat:

Lo:
At least I got to take some pretty pictures while we drove and take advantage of my love of photography and composition as a type of story telling.

Here’s Red Rock, Montana in a drive-by black and white.

Jacob:
Heading south on I-15 we passed something that looked like a dozen McMansions jammed together. Turns out it’s the headquarters of a shady multi-level-marketing company.

Lo:
Except they claim to not be that shady. That’s the fun part about all of these. Every one always claims to be better than the other. Every poison less toxic. Every one ignoring the rules around dosage dependency.

Jacob: This was the last blue sky we’d see for a long while.

Jacob: The charger we stopped at in Twin Falls was right next to the Snake River bridge and visitor center. It was incredibly smoky. The landscape here is beautiful, but felt so alien under an orange sky.

Lo: When we made it to Twin Falls we decided to stop and actually look at the Snake River. It’s this beautiful green color slithering its way through a deep gorge in the Idaho plateau.

Lo’s mom and her siblings lived here as children. She told us upon seeing this picture that this is not the original Perrine bridge. She remembered, even though it has been over 50 years. Human memory is amazing.

This is the eighth highest bridge in the United States with an elevation above sea level of around 3,600 ft (1,100 m), and an approximate height of 500 ft (150 m) above the Snake River. Idaho is an optical illusion – it’s flat because it’s the top of the plateau.

Yeah, that little dot is the sun.

We passed by this strange fence facade again. We’ve drive by it a few times – before on our way to Rigby for the solar eclipse. Lo was happy to grab a picture of some of the more unique features of the drive.

Jacob: This was one of the longer and more desolate stretches of drive – US 93 from Twin Falls to Elko. Most of the drive was on interstates, but sometimes you just can’t get there from here…

On the second day the road out of Elko felt like it could have been endless.

Power lines stretch across the desert and yet traces of agricultural activity and taps into aquifers are still obvious amongst the windblown landscape.

We pulled off the highway in the Nevada desert and drove around a little. This is the smallest underpass I’ve ever seen, barely wide enough for one car at a time.

Jacob: I have to wonder if they put up the sign just in case, or in response to someone escaping…

This was just a few doors down from the charger in Lovelock, NV. It was very convenient to access, just off the highway, but the town has seen better days. This yard and garden must have been beautiful once. The house itself was once a lovely, small two story.

I guess this exit just doesn’t have any capacity right now.

We missed the sign, but apparently there had been a rock slide?

For those that know Lo, there’s a hidden message she’s been trying to catch a picture of for years and finally succeeded.

At the Truckee charger a dog lounged and slept in the parking lot while his owner sat and picnicked nearby. Would not be moved for cars – nope, nope.

The Donner Summit rest area picture has no filters. That’s the color of the light filtering through the smoke.

So of course we looked up what in the world was going on. And… Oh. That makes sense.

There were *a lot* of portapotties along I-80. We suspect this might be due to all of the rest stops in Nevada along I-80 having been closed.

We got to Vallejo and wandered around the parking lot while the car charged. Here Lo managed to snag a few pictures.

We saw no shortage of interesting vehicles on our journey. Some chose unique intimidation tactics to keep other cars out from in front of them on the highway.

Our AirBnB in Richmond, California had the unpleasant surprise of a broken window. We managed to create somewhat of a seal and set up the air filter. It had the lovely benefit of a garden with citrus trees hanging over the fence.

Even the caution signs have opinions in California.

While in Richmond we did see a pack of wild turkeys taking over an Arco. Perhaps all of the humans staying home has lead to wildlife reclaiming its territory.

The sun continued on its tangerine and purple haze way.

And Back Again…

After the UCSF appointment we drove through the Castro. This was once our neighborhood.

Though there are many things we don’t miss about San Francisco, there are many things we do miss. There’s a sense of membership to a community here that is lacking in other places we’ve lived. This is where Jacob and I joined NERT. This is where we attended neighborhood watch meetings. A part of us will always be here.

It wouldn’t be the Bay Area without ridiculous and impractical, yet eye-catchingly hilarious furniture design. Seriously.

We saw a variety of interesting vehicles. This one might be an M1117? Someone that knows these better than we do, please confirm.

We ended up getting right behind the vehicle. These weren’t the only military vehicles we saw on the road being shipped places. Who knows where they’re going *shrug*.

By Tuesday afternoon, the air in San Francisco had finally started to clear up, just in time for us to leave. We had originally planned to head back Wednesday morning, but we both were itching to get home, and hitting the road Tuesday night let us get home a full day earlier. So off we went.

On I-80 on the way out of the San Francisco area, there was a brief traffic slowdown caused by, uh, this. Batteries can be scary if they catch fire, but not as scary as a gas tank…

As night was falling, we stopped to charge at a mall in Roseville, CA.

Lo got out and walked around. There are huge differences between the levels of permanency in the signage and overall social compliance to mask wearing and social distancing between California and Montana.

All around the stores were reminders to social distance, including Xs on the ground like one may mark up a stage for rehearsal.

Lo: An installation that struck me reminded me of The Freedom Of Speech Wall in Charlottesville, VA near where I went to undergrad.

What I Missed The Most:

  • Family
  • Late Night Movies
  • The Bars 😦
  • Baby
  • Shopping! 😦
  • My Wedding 6/6/20 😦
  • Football Games
  • Jorge Angel-a (?)
  • Friends
  • Fresh Air
  • andar con los compas
  • school and friends
  • the movies
  • CC and Damien
  • Tarrgh (?)
  • Human Kindness
  • Movies
  • Cierra </3
  • Play Outside
  • I miss go school

By midnight we were in Reno. The charger here was in a casino parking lot, so we had to maneuver through the disorienting maze that every casino town seems to be. So much neon…

Reno was a ghost town compared to its usual self. Admittedly, we’ve only been through a handful of times now, and we try to avoid stopping because of the crowds and traffic. Even the parking garages have the gates removed and no longer cost money. It’s surreal.

Near the charger was a giant piece of LED art that it turns out our friend Matt had worked on building.

Our final stop for the night was at the Town House Motel in Winnemucca. It seemed to be straight out of a time capsule from the 1950s:

Lo: More like 1960s/70s with strong elements of preserved mid century Americana at its best in my opinion. The rooms were very clean (though we also did a surface/touch-point disinfecting for our own sanity). This place would be great to use for photoshoots and as a filming location. I should have taken pictures of the swimming pool!

We saw this truck in Nevada. Thanks to my trucker friends and those that are familiar with Cyrillic languages, it means “drivers wanted” or “drive for us.”

At one of our charging stops in Idaho the car hit its peak charge rate of 250 kilowatts – about the same as the average power usage of 200 houses.

It being September, the tunnel was not icy.

Lo: I find Nevada beautiful. I know the American desert isn’t exactly what most people think of as magical, but I’ve seen rainbows from thunderstorms over this desert. Extreme weather creates gorgeous landscapes. I’m not experienced enough at photography to capture lightning yet.

Into Idaho from Nevada farming gets interesting. The suspicion is that Lo really wanted a picture of that horse.

Idaho has a booming dairy industry that ships across the western US via trains.

We’re welcomed back into Montana by this mansion of a fixer upper off of I-15. Lo keeps joking that she wants to move in.

Finally home! The smoke had followed us the whole way back, so we got the air filter back into the house in a hurry.

Jacob: After we got home I added up all the statistics for the drive. In just four and a half days, the total was:

  • 2,449 miles driven
  • 39 hours, 47 minutes on the road
  • 705 kWh of electricity used by the car – as much energy as in less than 20 gallons of gasoline
  • 20 charging stops at an average of 19 minutes each
We hope you enjoyed this whirlwind travel adventure post about driving to and from San Francisco in an electric car for a doctor’s appointment at UCSF. Road tripping during global pandemics is ill advised and we recommend anyone considering repeating this to take all necessary precautions to protect your own health and well being, as well as the well being of others.

Lo: If you want Jacob to author more posts, please drop a comment and leave a like. Let him know what kinds of posts you’d like to see. Your feedback is valuable ❤

If you see these photos posted elsewhere, please let us know. At this time a few are posted on Lo’s instagram, but mostly they are on this page only. Lo is still developing a unique watermark and is dealing with photo-stealing. If you would like to use any of these photos:

  • For unpaid projects, simply credit Lo and link back to this website.
  • For paid projects please send Lo an e-mail and we can exchange a fair use contract with more details.