Tag Archives: self talk

Book Review: How To Make Sure Your Life Doesn’t Suck By Maggie Gilewicz PhD

I will be refraining from giving a star rating and focusing on discussing the value of this book to audiences and potential difficulties some may face if they read it before they are ready to take in its information. A lack of star rating is NOT a bad review. I highly recommend this book to anyone that would benefit from Dr. Gilewicz work, of which I believe there are many, including individuals within the neurodiverse community.

Summary:

In “How To Make Sure Your Lie Doesn’t Suck” Dr. Maggie Gilewicz breaks down the basic principles of Inside-Out self understanding for an audience that may not be familiar with its use in branding, marketing, customer experience, data analytics and elsewhere in the business world. She introduces her readers to a holistic interpretation of the body of works by Michael Neill in a friendly and easy to digest way that takes the time to incorporate elements of psychology useful to the individual reader. Throughout this book she encourages readers to shift their focus to self-actualizing behaviors and reframed thought patterns as opposed to those governed by shoulds, woulds, and coulds as created by the pressures of society and outside forces we view as authorities. In language easily accessible to an audience without training in psychology, this book gives readers suggestions on how to find their own unique paths to embracing authenticity and happiness.

Overall Response (Caution: Spoilers) :

Dr. Gilewicz connects with her audience through anecdotes addressing transitioning our thoughts from the pressures of the world around us to thinking about what makes us happy and what we want in life. She does this without telling her audience what to want and how to be cautious of others telling them what they should want, encouraging critical thinking.

She shares how her thinking has changed on writing, exercise, minor childhood trauma, and fighting with her partner about making the bed, emphasizing how changing thinking helped her embrace the variability of her moods and the moods of others. Her words encourage readers to take responsibility for their own moods, emotions, and thoughts without over analyzing or passing judgment. With these anecdotes, she shows vulnerability and shares her own moodiness to explain how this is normal. She encourages readers to accept we are all human in this regard and to consider the moods and internal influences of those around us so we can improve communication.

Dr. Gilewicz takes the time to write the kind of book the self-help industry should be afraid of because it aims to tell the average neurotypical person that they’re okay just the way they are.

Even though she does not have a PhD in psychology, I’d like to emphasize that her PhD in sociology allows her to examine the problems of the individual from a societal, big-picture level and that truly comes through and shines in her writing as she provides compassionate and understanding insights for the average person. I do wish she would give herself more credit on this front.

So far I’ve used the words “neurotypical”, “average” and “normal” to describe the audience suited to read this book with no prior learning. That said, I believe this book has value beyond that limited audience. As a neurodiverse individual that uses inside-out thinking, I need to caution potential neurodiverse audiences that changing the way you think on its own does not stop the physiological/neurological responses of trauma, illness, or neurodevelopmental differences. Additionally, if you’re like me, it may be frustrating and take a long time to learn. There will be no “aha!” moment and instead be a gradual change back to an emotional/mental place that feels familiar, but you can’t explain it. You may come to find that inside-out thinking looks different for neurodiverse individuals and that’s okay. Using myself as an example, I have to over-analyze everything in a detached way similar to a child playing with a new toy as a means to determine which emotion I’m feeling in a language neurotypical individuals understand to communicate and, as a bonus, this provides me with a means of emotional regulation to interact with the outer world. There’s also the issue of intuition. Inside-out thinking works differently in neurodiverse individuals due to differences in how intuition works and you will need to learn your differences in intuition. As an example, I may be able to do rather bizarre mathematical and spatial calculations “intuitively” including looking for patterns and connections in data sets others may not have noticed, but I cannot do the same thing with my emotions. This is okay. Simply be aware, inside-out thinking for the neurodiverse brain is not covered in this book, but it’s not judged as wrong either. Once you know how your own neurodiverse “intuition” works, I still recommend reading this book to gain a unique perspective that demonstrates its benefits and some applications you might not have thought about.

There are limitations to this book and inside-out thinking. Inside-out thinking will not prevent or alter the physiological experiences of extreme grief when you lose multiple family members to death one after another in a short period of time or to a severe tragedy. It will not change the DNA methylation or histone modifications that are the result of severe trauma your grandparents or great grandparents experienced (as far as we know). It will not change the way your amygdala and adrenal glands physiologically responds to a trigger if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (For this, I personally had good experiences with EMDR, music assisted EMDR – talk to a professional and see what they recommend for you). It will not change the chemical imbalances that can lead to dissociation or extreme distorted thinking. It will not change the neurological circuits associated with compulsions or the physiological damage associated with loss of impulse control or other loss of function diagnoses. Inside-out thinking will not fix everything, but it will help with resilience when you are faced with worst case scenarios. It will give you the ability to let go of the self judgment that your experiences are inherently wrong because there’s nothing wrong with them. With that understanding, you will gain the resilience to keep going through the absolute worst imaginable life events, even when it seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. It will also help you better use the tactics you’ve learned in therapy, such as reframing your thoughts and avoiding ruminations to not spiral into a nonfunctioning state. For audiences that resonate with the limitations listed, don’t let this book be your first introduction to the concept, but do not dismiss it. Go to a trained professional in psychology for therapy. You’ll recognize CBT, DBT, and other therapies subtly referenced in this book after working with a professional. When you are in an emotionally secure, safe place I encourage you to sit with Dr. Gilewicz’s book and take in her perspective because, beyond resilience, the parts where she encourages readers to keep growing and discover their innermost desires and addresses self-actualization (without using that word) is uplifting and essential for anyone.

Another audience that may struggle with this book are those with diverse neurodevelopmental experiences and/or those that have faced active interference from outside forces in response to immutable traits such as their neurodiverse status, sexuality, gender, chronic health status, or any aspect of their appearance. This book will not help you achieve your deepest desires in the face of a world that will put roadblocks in your way and will tell you “no” regardless of your legal protections. There are points in this book (or any book related to this topic) where a reader may say “what happened to me was not fate and did not have to happen! What about everything you said about free will?!” For this audience I still suggest inside-out thinking, but I remember a time when I thought what I was learning “felt” invalidating to my experiences. If you start to read this book and find yourself in that place, take a step back. Try again later. Do so when you can understand that Dr. Gilewicz wrote this with the absolute best of intentions: a place of love and to encourage a reader to make peace with the events that cannot be changed and to embrace how they have shaped you into the beautiful human you are instead of carrying your feelings around that event as baggage into the future. She wrote this book because she genuinely believes every single person reading it deserves to have a life that doesn’t suck.

In all honesty, while I do think audiences need to take a moment to ask themselves if they are in the right internal place to approach Dr. Gilewicz’s book, I think its information and the way it is presented is valuable. The language is accessible, avoiding jargon and keeping a friendly tone. It pushes individuals to think critically and purposefully about what they are incorporating into their lives and to consider how the way they process that information impacts their emotions. This book, much like the books “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and “Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson, encourages readers to take control of their mental health and the way they view the “worst” events of their lives by trying to find the ability to reframe the narrative or situation so they can feel differently. And maybe even laugh.

LGBTQA+

I do believe this book to be valuable to an LGBTQA+ audience, though it does not address this audience directly.

Grammar+

This book meets or exceeds the 1 error/10,000 words industry standard.

About The Author & Where To Buy

Dr. Maggie Gilewicz is a sociologist and transformative coach living in London, UK. You can visit her website here or follow her on Twitter. You can purchase a copy of the book here.

People Who Inspire Me: Julie Nolke

Today is going to be a little bit different of a post. I’m celebrating an arguably famous creator/writer/artist and this is going to be the first in a series called People Who Inspire Me. Pretty simple concept, right?

I do not own any of these videos and they are embedded directly from YouTube. I recommend going directly to the YouTube channel and watching the video with ads to support this awesome creator, consider each embedded video a link. I do not get money from any ads played in the embedded videos.

Julie Nolke
Image Source: IMDB // Julie Nolke 2020 // Skyloft productions accessed 12 October 2020

Julie Nolke

You may have heard of her. You may not have. Her first appearance was on a show called Workin’ Moms and a though her IMDB is short, she has no shortage of material.

You can check out her Patreon, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

She’s a comedic genius that focuses her superpower on empathetic storytelling.

My sister, Becky, first exposed me to her with this video:

Her comedy sketches around the 2020 Pandemic are some of the purest, most honest humor I have seen in a long time. At first, my impression of her style of humor was along the lines of a phrase I grew up with:

If I weren’t laughing, I’d be crying

Then I realized that’s 2020 and how my dumb ass self decided that the motto for this year was going to be “Hindsight is 2020” when we were all making up funny mottos. (Another person we knew said, “In 2020 We Take Shots Of Water!” As we can see, sobriety has not been working out for many people.)

In her [currently] 3 part series on 2020, there are 2 more videos, but she has added other 2020 themed videos that cannot be missed.

First, here’s Part 2 of the series:

After this video, these gorgeous pieces became a reality. Such as “Quarantine Panic Attack” where she uses her series “Mirror Mirror” to feature more revealing discussions with herself.

The artistic exploration used in some of these videos to explore the expression of comedy with empathy for human experience makes me smile.

One of my favorite videos about 2020 has been the collaboration between her and Anna Akana to create “Pandora’s Box Opened In 2020” – specifically around how messed up it is to put all the bad stuff in existence into a tiny box and give it to someone with the instruction not to open it when you really intended the whole time to have someone open it and simply displace the blame. Shame Zeus. For Shame.

Her other videos on the global pandemic and 2020 have been equally insightful works of pure art. Approaching touchy subjects such as social distancing and the shaming behaviors people exhibited at fulfilling the human need of contact and physical closeness. Pun intended.

Another brilliant video in her series on 2020 includes “First Date Post Pandemic” where she fantasizes about what going on a date after the pandemic would be like.

One of the other 2020 videos themed spot on is the “Casual Chit-Chat Attempt…” video featuring how Small Talk has devolved over this year into practically non-existent and redefined

small talk.

She even makes fun of herself in returning to the “Mirror, Mirror” series with a conversation about her sudden YouTube popularity. The video “I went viral” is an artistic approach at explaining comedic/artistic insanity.

But what about the shirt in that video? Well, it turns out she did a Q&A while taking advantage of Canada’s recreational marijuana laws. One of the things I appreciate about this entire video is the level of preparation that goes into it. She is not a stoner and she has boundaries around her consumption and she’s having fun with it. Similar to how people need to see healthy use of a substance (use of alcohol in moderation as an example) to know what that looks like, she does a great job at showing what NORML defines as healthy use, plus gives us a really entertaining show at the same time.

I would’t mind having this kind of friend at a party.

While there are still more videos not mentioned here on the topic of how 2020 impacts North America, she keeps it real every time. She keeps her viewers laughing and she’s trying not to let it all go to her head faster than that one time she was on the Disney channel.

Then, 4 days ago, she dropped this beautiful masterpiece of a Part 3:

Her last 2 “Explaining the Pandemic to my Past Self” videos (parts 2 & 3) have spent quite a bit of time focusing on the protests in the United States (as well as across the world), spurred by the death of George Floyd. The aftermath and the continued self education she works into these videos I find fascinating as she presents reflections of what she has learned.

Julie Nolke takes the time to address some very serious topics (with some Kubrick-esque comic relief). This falls in line with her style pre-pandemic as well as can be seen in her January 2020 video “Confronting Fear.”

Hopefully I succeeded in introducing you to an internet comedian that you can connect with during this year and all of its hard times. I look forward to talking about some of my other favorite YouTube channels and their creators.

Again, if you like what you see, you can support her by checking out her work and or following her on Patreon, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.


Thank you so much for reading this today! If you enjoyed this brief write up about Julie Nolke’s YouTube channel and her work during 2020, please take a moment to Like, Comment, and/or Share. That will help me gauge the posts my readers enjoy. As always, thank you for reading – without you these words would be meaningless little bits and bytes.