I will be refraining from giving a star rating and focusing on discussing the value of this book to audiences and potential difficulties some may face if they read it before they are ready to take in its information. A lack of star rating is NOT a bad review. I highly recommend this book to anyone that would benefit from Dr. Gilewicz work, of which I believe there are many, including individuals within the neurodiverse community.
In “How To Make Sure Your Lie Doesn’t Suck” Dr. Maggie Gilewicz breaks down the basic principles of Inside-Out self understanding for an audience that may not be familiar with its use in branding, marketing, customer experience, data analytics and elsewhere in the business world. She introduces her readers to a holistic interpretation of the body of works by Michael Neill in a friendly and easy to digest way that takes the time to incorporate elements of psychology useful to the individual reader. Throughout this book she encourages readers to shift their focus to self-actualizing behaviors and reframed thought patterns as opposed to those governed by shoulds, woulds, and coulds as created by the pressures of society and outside forces we view as authorities. In language easily accessible to an audience without training in psychology, this book gives readers suggestions on how to find their own unique paths to embracing authenticity and happiness.
Overall Response (Caution: Spoilers) :
Dr. Gilewicz connects with her audience through anecdotes addressing transitioning our thoughts from the pressures of the world around us to thinking about what makes us happy and what we want in life. She does this without telling her audience what to want and how to be cautious of others telling them what they should want, encouraging critical thinking.
She shares how her thinking has changed on writing, exercise, minor childhood trauma, and fighting with her partner about making the bed, emphasizing how changing thinking helped her embrace the variability of her moods and the moods of others. Her words encourage readers to take responsibility for their own moods, emotions, and thoughts without over analyzing or passing judgment. With these anecdotes, she shows vulnerability and shares her own moodiness to explain how this is normal. She encourages readers to accept we are all human in this regard and to consider the moods and internal influences of those around us so we can improve communication.
Dr. Gilewicz takes the time to write the kind of book the self-help industry should be afraid of because it aims to tell the average neurotypical person that they’re okay just the way they are.
Even though she does not have a PhD in psychology, I’d like to emphasize that her PhD in sociology allows her to examine the problems of the individual from a societal, big-picture level and that truly comes through and shines in her writing as she provides compassionate and understanding insights for the average person. I do wish she would give herself more credit on this front.
So far I’ve used the words “neurotypical”, “average” and “normal” to describe the audience suited to read this book with no prior learning. That said, I believe this book has value beyond that limited audience. As a neurodiverse individual that uses inside-out thinking, I need to caution potential neurodiverse audiences that changing the way you think on its own does not stop the physiological/neurological responses of trauma, illness, or neurodevelopmental differences. Additionally, if you’re like me, it may be frustrating and take a long time to learn. There will be no “aha!” moment and instead be a gradual change back to an emotional/mental place that feels familiar, but you can’t explain it. You may come to find that inside-out thinking looks different for neurodiverse individuals and that’s okay. Using myself as an example, I have to over-analyze everything in a detached way similar to a child playing with a new toy as a means to determine which emotion I’m feeling in a language neurotypical individuals understand to communicate and, as a bonus, this provides me with a means of emotional regulation to interact with the outer world. There’s also the issue of intuition. Inside-out thinking works differently in neurodiverse individuals due to differences in how intuition works and you will need to learn your differences in intuition. As an example, I may be able to do rather bizarre mathematical and spatial calculations “intuitively” including looking for patterns and connections in data sets others may not have noticed, but I cannot do the same thing with my emotions. This is okay. Simply be aware, inside-out thinking for the neurodiverse brain is not covered in this book, but it’s not judged as wrong either. Once you know how your own neurodiverse “intuition” works, I still recommend reading this book to gain a unique perspective that demonstrates its benefits and some applications you might not have thought about.
There are limitations to this book and inside-out thinking. Inside-out thinking will not prevent or alter the physiological experiences of extreme grief when you lose multiple family members to death one after another in a short period of time or to a severe tragedy. It will not change the DNA methylation or histone modifications that are the result of severe trauma your grandparents or great grandparents experienced (as far as we know). It will not change the way your amygdala and adrenal glands physiologically responds to a trigger if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (For this, I personally had good experiences with EMDR, music assisted EMDR – talk to a professional and see what they recommend for you). It will not change the chemical imbalances that can lead to dissociation or extreme distorted thinking. It will not change the neurological circuits associated with compulsions or the physiological damage associated with loss of impulse control or other loss of function diagnoses. Inside-out thinking will not fix everything, but it will help with resilience when you are faced with worst case scenarios. It will give you the ability to let go of the self judgment that your experiences are inherently wrong because there’s nothing wrong with them. With that understanding, you will gain the resilience to keep going through the absolute worst imaginable life events, even when it seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. It will also help you better use the tactics you’ve learned in therapy, such as reframing your thoughts and avoiding ruminations to not spiral into a nonfunctioning state. For audiences that resonate with the limitations listed, don’t let this book be your first introduction to the concept, but do not dismiss it. Go to a trained professional in psychology for therapy. You’ll recognize CBT, DBT, and other therapies subtly referenced in this book after working with a professional. When you are in an emotionally secure, safe place I encourage you to sit with Dr. Gilewicz’s book and take in her perspective because, beyond resilience, the parts where she encourages readers to keep growing and discover their innermost desires and addresses self-actualization (without using that word) is uplifting and essential for anyone.
Another audience that may struggle with this book are those with diverse neurodevelopmental experiences and/or those that have faced active interference from outside forces in response to immutable traits such as their neurodiverse status, sexuality, gender, chronic health status, or any aspect of their appearance. This book will not help you achieve your deepest desires in the face of a world that will put roadblocks in your way and will tell you “no” regardless of your legal protections. There are points in this book (or any book related to this topic) where a reader may say “what happened to me was not fate and did not have to happen! What about everything you said about free will?!” For this audience I still suggest inside-out thinking, but I remember a time when I thought what I was learning “felt” invalidating to my experiences. If you start to read this book and find yourself in that place, take a step back. Try again later. Do so when you can understand that Dr. Gilewicz wrote this with the absolute best of intentions: a place of love and to encourage a reader to make peace with the events that cannot be changed and to embrace how they have shaped you into the beautiful human you are instead of carrying your feelings around that event as baggage into the future. She wrote this book because she genuinely believes every single person reading it deserves to have a life that doesn’t suck.
In all honesty, while I do think audiences need to take a moment to ask themselves if they are in the right internal place to approach Dr. Gilewicz’s book, I think its information and the way it is presented is valuable. The language is accessible, avoiding jargon and keeping a friendly tone. It pushes individuals to think critically and purposefully about what they are incorporating into their lives and to consider how the way they process that information impacts their emotions. This book, much like the books “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and “Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson, encourages readers to take control of their mental health and the way they view the “worst” events of their lives by trying to find the ability to reframe the narrative or situation so they can feel differently. And maybe even laugh.
I do believe this book to be valuable to an LGBTQA+ audience, though it does not address this audience directly.
This book meets or exceeds the 1 error/10,000 words industry standard.
About The Author & Where To Buy
Dr. Maggie Gilewicz is a sociologist and transformative coach living in London, UK. You can visit her website here or follow her on Twitter. You can purchase a copy of the book here.